By May 31, 2011 Read More →

Top Ten Things To Avoid After A Breakup

There are few experiences that we go through in our lives that can be more difficult and exhausting than the breakup of a romantic relationship, and healing ourselves from the wounds of a broken heart is sometimes a more painful and lengthy process than healing from physical injuries. Just like the months following a sickness, you might find that you’re much more vulnerable and weak immediately after a difficult breakup or divorce… and jumping right back into things that you did before can make the healing process take even longer.

It might feel as though your heart will never heal after the failure of a romantic relationship or marriage, but recovering from a broken heart is a lot like recovering from illness; you may not be up to thinking about romantic ideas again now, but you can place yourself on that road again by paying attention to yourself and taking your recovery slowly. When you find yourself single again, there are plenty of things that you need to avoid to let your heart heal properly before giving romance another try.

Below are ten things you should definitely avoid if you’ve recently gone through a difficulty breakup with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. Staying away from these things will help your heart to recover as quickly as possible, but they are by no means the only things you should avoid. Only you know all of the influences in your life that might stop you from getting over a broken heart, and it’s up to you to have the discipline to stay away from them… and get back to feeling good again!

Top Ten Things to Avoid After a Breakup

1. Your ex… if the breakup was bad

I say “if the breakup was bad” because avoiding your ex isn’t always the best way to get over your ex. If you find that you can still be good friends with your ex following a breakup, having someone to talk to about the pain you’re feeling can be very terapeutic. After all, not many people know you better than someone with whom you shared a romantic relationship.

Be careful, though; if your breakup wasn’t amicable or if keeping in touch with your ex makes it more difficult for you, it’s time to stay away for a while and heal.

2. Sad, sappy songs

Music has a huge amount of control over human emotions, and there are few things that can immediately change a person’s mood as effectively as music. If a sad song comes on the radio, turn it to a more upbeat one. If a song that was special to you and your ex comes on, turn it off. Force yourself to listen to fun, exhilarating music instead.

3. Alcohol and drugs

This one is a no-brainer. Booze and drugs might be appealing to some people during difficult times, but it’s only going to make you feel even worse and do stupid things you’ll regret. If you can, swear off alcohol, even a few beers, until after you’ve fully healed from a broken heart. And swear off drugs whether you’re healed or not. You don’t need them to feel good if you’re really in love, anyway.

4. Negative people

We all know people who are constantly pessimistic about life and who only concentrate on the bad or on putting other people down. These types might try to feed off of your misery while you’re healing from a broken heart, but it’s best to stay away from them. Instead, replace them with friends and family who can be supportive, optimistic and upbeat around you in spite of your mood.

5. Loneliness

We all need time by ourselves after a traumatic event, but whatever you do don’t let yourself be alone for too long. Surrounding yourself with people again, whether it’s friends, family or co-workers, will help immensely in healing your broken heart. It may be difficult at first, but force yourself to be with people after you’ve spent an appropriate amount of time alone.

6. Inactivity

Get your butt out and do something you used to enjoy doing, even if you don’t feel like it. I know that staring at the wall and feeling sorry for yourself is very appealing at a time like this, but this is another thing you need to simply force yourself to avoid. Start a project and make yourself complete it. Start exercising. Do something, anything, that takes attention and activity.

7. Rebound companionship

This is another one for the no-brainer category. Jumping into someone else’s arms is the last thing that will help your heart heal, regardless of how lonely you get. Spend time with friends and family, but don’t open yourself up for even more heartache by trying to start a relationship with another person too quickly. Romance can happen again, but not if you try to force it.

8. Your bed, couch or anything else you can lay or sit on

This one ties in with number six, avoiding inactivity. Sure, it will be very tempting to stay in bed under the covers all day when you’re depressed and heartbroken, or to vegetate on your couch and stare at the television by yourself. Don’t let yourself do it. Get your rear end out of bed, take a shower, get dressed and do something.

9. Obsessive, pessimistic thoughts

For some of us, this is the most difficult thing to avoid, because getting control over your thoughts is often extremely difficult. Even when we know we are hurting ourselves with the awful worry and obsessive thoughts we’re having about our failed relationship, it can be seemingly impossible to get them out of our heads. But you need to try anyway. Make yourself think of how happy things will be once you get your life back on track, focus on your future, and smile. Fake a smile if you have to.

10. Bitterness and placing blame

Is one person more at fault for your romantic relationship falling apart that another? Well, maybe. But how is focusing on that going to help you heal? Becoming bitter and pointing blame and other people will do just the opposite… it will make you take longer to heal, and it encourages number nine: obsessive, pessimistic thoughts. Regardless of who’s to blame, focusing on feeling better and staying upbeat will help you more than getting angry at what you can’t change.

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