There is a reason why certain people are more popular on dating websites, and it has little to do with them actually being the best thing for you. Women, in particular, like the same men, because they rely on other women to do the dirty work for them. The problem is, when you rely on the opinions of others to guide how you act, pursue, or decline various dating partners, you are feeding into the need to receive permission on how to live your life.
Approval addiction is a bad habit that we gain from childhood. As kids, we learn we will fare much less punishment if we do what other people tell us to. This is good, because it teaches us the rules of society. However, it is also bad, because it not only damages your potential to find a partner, it inhibits you from getting what you really want out of your relationships.
How Addicted Are You?
Most people don’t realize how much their life is being controlled by the expectations of others. To understand how seriously your dating life is being affected by this addiction, answer the following 10 questions as honestly as you can:
1. Have you ever wanted to ask a guy or girl out, but failed to, because you were afraid they’d say no?
2. Do you occasionally lie on first dates, in order to make yourself appear more impressive?
3. Have you ever been on a date with someone you didn’t like, because you didn’t want to say no, and hurt their feelings?
4. Do you alter your personality on a first date to make yourself more likeable?
5. Have you ever done something uncharacteristic of yourself to impress a date?
6. Do you avoid certain topics on a date, because you don’t want to face the discomfort of disagreeing with the other person’s position?
7. Have you ever apologized to a date for not agreeing with him or her?
8. Do you feel the need to please your boyfriend or girlfriend more than yourself?
9. Have you hesitated to tell a guy or girl what you really wanted out of a relationship, because you were afraid of scaring them away (what they might think)?
10. Do you ask friends or family to give you their opinion on a guy/girl, and use this information to decide whether or not you are going to continue dating them?
If you said yes to three or more of these, you may be relying on other people’s approval to a greater extent than you should. The deciding factor is just how addicted you are. If you are seeking approval because you are trying to respect your lover’s needs, that is considered to be healthier than if you require their blessing in order to feel worthy of their love and attention.
It is said that we need to have a little of the desire for other people’s approval, otherwise, we would become too consumed with our own needs (self-centered). It is good to care about what other people think. However, you can’t allow that to get in the way of taking the necessary risks to find love, demand respect, and ask for what you want. You have to risk losing approval, in order to escape a life of boredom, minimal achievement, and relationship mediocrity.
Finding middle ground with this addiction, starts by deciding what parts of your regiment need the most work. You need to consider which addictions are costing you dearly. For instance, if you fear rejection to the point of being afraid to ask anyone out for a date, this could be inhibiting you from attaining any relationship. On the other hand, if you find yourself in the relationships you want, but feel like you have to give to the point that you end up sabotaging your own happiness, it’s time you put your needs in the forefront for a change.
There are six important rules to keep this addiction in check:
– Be yourself. Be the person who makes you happy. A true soulmate will find their happiness in what makes you happy.
– You can’t please everybody. It is important to focus on the needs of your loved ones, because they are the most important, but consider where you fit into all of this as well in order to maintain a healthier, sustainable relationship.
– Just say no. Don’t go on a date with someone, because you’re afraid to say no, and hurt their feelings. On the other hand, give people a chance, and don’t allow other people’s opinions to persuade you otherwise.
– Don’t play it too safe. You’ll never reach your goals, unless you’re willing to take risks, and sometimes lose.
– Tell people how you feel. It is okay to disagree with someone, as this is how new ideas form, and compromises are made. If a relationship is dependent on you hiding your feelings and needs, it is already doomed.
This article was contributed by By Eric J. Leech, author at DatingWebsites.org