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Getting Over a Break Up by Moving On
Guest Post By Scott Simpson-Smith
It’s funny — life often just sneaks up on us and ambushes us when we least expect it. In terms of relationships, we often experience that when things seem to be going great, but there’s a sudden loss, or a break up, or some kind of other major change. If we’re well-loved by our friends (and perhaps even if we’re not!), we’ll get an outpouring of comforting and advice. That’s great — it does take away a little bit of the sting — but it unfortunately usually doesn’t make it a whole lot easier to deal with our pain. And, unfortunately again, that pain often spreads and has an impact in other parts of our lives.
As someone in the “business” of relationship advice, I hear all the time about how for many people, it seems everything just reminds them of their ex. Even trying to get out and have a bit of a life can pose problems, as most of us who’ve been in a relationship for a while have mutual friends, and this raises all kinds of awkward situations. It also tends to affect people at work, causing lost productivity, and if severe or enduring enough, that can create its own cycle of problems. I often joke that we could cure our nation’s economic woes just by banning relationships, but I digress…
No matter what the scenario, we do end up in a position where we need to make a choice — try to get our ex back, or move on. Although I tend to provide a lot of advice to others in terms of how to get their ex back, I often tell them that neither choice is a mistake — the old saying is true, “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” and besides, I tend to think the whole “soulmate” or “the one” argument is a little bit bogus. So, if you make the choice to move on, be assured you will find love again. That’s simply how the universe works! So, how does one move on?
The first thing that people need to do is break free from guilt. You’d be surprised how many people can spend huge amounts of time in that “zone” where they feel terrible about the breakup, and get into a cycle of self-blame and self-reproach. The fact is you know yourself better than anyone, and thus only you can make the right decisions for what’s best for you. You don’t need to feel obligated to anyone for doing so, or feel bad because someone got hurt in the process as long as you’re not being malicious — remember that such things are almost always unavoidable.
The next thing I usually suggest is that people break off contact with their ex. I know people who kind of loiter around with them on their Facebook profiles, send them the odd text message, and so on — but it’s important to recognize the less one has to deal with them, the better. If it’s them contacting you, you can also put up some barriers… especially in the first few days of the breakup. You won’t die without answering your phone or not reading their e-mails. Although thankfully very rare, if they’re persistent to the point of being harassing or stalking you, you will have to put your foot down — and warn them that you don’t want contact with them, and if that doesn’t work, seek help from your local authorities.
My final piece of advice to getting over a breakup is to avoid gossip about your ex. I know many feel they need to tell people how bad the relationship was, or feel a need to explain whose fault the break up was, but avoid this for the simple reason that if you engage in that kind of behavior, you’re just prolonging your mental and emotional attachment to them. So make it a rule not to spread gossip about your ex, and not to listen to it if you’re exposed to it, either.
Remember: time heals all wounds, and if you can manage to efficiently break off your emotional attachment to your ex — should you decide it’s the right thing to move on — you can quite efficiently get over the break up, and move on with your life. Good luck!
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Scott Simpson-Smith is a relationship “guru” and co-founder of Free Breakup Course – a relationship advice website that specializes in helping those going through a breakup.
Am I In Love? How To Know If You Are Falling In Love
It’s a common question: “Am I in love?” How do you know if you’re really falling in love? Love is a funny thing: although it’s a very strong and unmistakable feeling, there have still been countless of people throughout history who have asked themselves the important question “am I in love?” Especially for someone who has never been in love before, romance can be very confusing, and trying to figure out if you’re actually falling for someone or whether you just like them can be a real romantic conundrum!
Luckily, there are a few symptoms of true love that can help you answer “am I in love?” and make your feelings easier to deal with. Unfortunately, love and it’s close cousins, puppy love and lust, can be easily confused for one another in the early stages, so it’s important to get it right and figure out if you’re really in love or if you just have a temporary crush on someone. As we wrote last year in our post Top 10 signs that you’re in love, it’s easy to define a few of the indications that your feelings are genuine love.
One very important factor to answer the question “am I in love” is whether you care more about their happiness and well being than your own. If you get the overwhelming feeling that you want this person to be happy no matter what, even if it means they can’t be with you, then you are probably falling in love with them. Putting someone’s well being above your own is a great indication that you are in love.
You’re also probably in love with someone if you don’t mind giving up certain aspects or good things in your own life in order to be with them and make them happy. If you find that you don’t care as much anymore about giving up your extra time or money on that special someone, or you don’t want to hang out with the same old crowd anymore, then you may have you answer to “am I in love?”
Even if you do decide that you are really in love, make sure that you take it slow and don’t rush your romance with this new special person. A romantic relationship is something that needs to be developed slowly and nurtured, and the slower you take your romance the better chances you have for it working out. So, “am I in love?” . . . well the answer to that question is up to you, and the success of your attempts have everything to do with how you approach the person you are falling in love with!
101 Romantic Date Ideas & Fun First Dates Ideas
Are you looking for some romantic date ideas or fun things to do on a first date with your special someone? There are few better ways to add some good old-fashioned romantic ideas to your relationship or marriage than taking your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend out on a thoughtful, fun date. Whether it’s your first date or you’ve been together for fifty years, an original, special romantic date will refresh your relationship and help you and your lover fall in love with each other all over again.
Luckily, the possibilities for unique fun romantic date ideas are endless. Regardless of where you live or what your circumstances are, fresh romantic ideas for dates surround all of us. What might seem commonplace to one person can, with a little old-fashioned romance, be turned into an amazing, exciting idea for a date with your special someone.
Below are 101 fun romantic date ideas, but they’re only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to possibilities for you and your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Use this list to come up with fresh dating ideas of your own, and leave a comment if you think of any that should be on the list!
101 Fun Romantic Date Ideas & First Date Ideas
A date at your favorite coffee shop
A date at the local park
A romantic picnic date
A date to a baseball game
A romantic afternoon walk together
A date to fly a kite together
A date at the beach on a sunny day
A putt-putt golf date
A horseback riding date
A canoing date
A date to a soccer game
A romantic camping trip date
A date to a classic car show
A date to the local spa to pamper each other
A date to the local zoo
A date running a marathon or jogging together
A date at a high-class cocktail lounge or restaurant
A date to test-drive new cars together
A date to a volleyball game
A date to learn to para-sail together
A date cooking a romantic meal together
A date to meet each other’s family members
A date at the local museum
A date to the county fair
A birdwatching date
A date to pick fruit together at a local orchard
A date to take your kids, nieces or nephews to the park
A roller-blading or rollerskating date
A date to a football game
A date to tour new homes together
A date to learn to scuba dive together
A date to carve pumpkins together for Halloween
A date to the local flea market
A date to ride a romantic ferris wheel together
A date to look at flowers at the local greenhouse
A date to watch a romantic DVD or video together at home
A date to go on a hiking trip together
A date to play a round at the local golf course
A romantic dinner date at a four-star restaurant
A whitewater rafting date
A date to window shop at a nice shopping center
A date to go fishing together
A date to a basketball game
A date to a local art gallery
A date to color eggs together for Easter
A romantic tour of local historic places
A date to build a snowman together
A date at the first place you ever went out together
A date to a local air-show
A rock-climbing date
A date at the local mall arcade to play games together
A date to buy ice-cream on a hot day
A date to go to your local comedy club for some laughs
A date to pick wildflowers together
A date to tour local college campuses
A date to a hockey game
A date to an aquarium
A date to go boating together on a nice, clear day
A date to learn surfing together at the beach
A date to a play or a live stage show
The classic “dinner and a movie” date
A romantic afternoon sharing old pictures from your childhood
A date to the planetarium or science center
A date to a carnival
An afternoon sightseeing drive on a nice day
A date to a batting cage
A romantic ride in a horse-drawn carriage
A date to your local bookstore
A date to the pet store to pick out a pet together
A date to a boxing match
A date to the gym to exercise together
A date to a karaoke bar for some singing
A date to build a sandcastle together at the beach
A date to wash your cars together
A date to the horse-racing track
A date to your local pool or swimming hole
A go-cart riding date
A date to a romantic movie
A date to go shopping for new clothes together
A date to a downtown nightclub or dance club
A date to walk your dogs together
A date to a stock car race
A date to go target shooting or a shooting range together
A date to read to each other at the park on a nice day
An overnight date at a nearby bed-and-breakfast
A date to a local antique shop
A romantic sledding date on a snowy day
A date to a wishing well to make wishes together
A date to a wrestling match
A date to a local winery
A date to go bungee jumping together
A date to a friend or family member’s wedding
A date to local garage sales to go treasure hunting
A hunting date
A date to go skydiving together
A date to listen to the symphony together
A romantic hot air balloon ride
A date to play Frisbee together at the park
A date to a local amusement park to ride roller coasters
A date to a rock concert
A date to the casino to learn a new game together
The Perfect Time To Say I Love You
For the truly romantic person, figuring out how to say “I love you” in fresh and unique ways is never a problem; there are a million different ways to show your lover how you feel about them, and every day offers new opportunities to inject romance into your life. But exactly when to say I love you, and deciding which moment is the best to express your feelings to your lover, can be a bit more difficult to decide on. Is there really a perfect time to say “I love you,” and if so, when is it?
If there is such a thing as the perfect time of day to let your lover know how you feel, it’s probably different for every romantic relationship. Romance is a very personal experience, and each loving relationship is as unique as an individual set of fingerprints or a single snowflake. The exact experiences, memories, feelings and circumstances present in your relationship can’t be found in any other. So while saying “I love you” as you come home from work might be best in one relationship, saying it as you lay down to bed might be best in another.
But regardless of when you feel the most comfortable saying “I love you,” you should never, ever stop saying it at other times. Love is a renewable resource, and you’ll never run out of “I love you’s” if you say them too much. Who cares if you already told your sweetheart you loved them that morning? That shouldn’t stop you from telling them again that afternoon and that evening.
Don’t limit yourself to expressing your loving feelings only a certain amount of times during a day; instead, tell your lover how you feel whenever the fancy strikes you. Sure, if you started saying “I love you” three thousand times a day, that might cause a strain on even the strongest relationship. But if you have a healthy, open relationship, expressing your love three times or even ten times a day should only strengthen it.
Here’s one bit of advice to add some variety to your relationship, though: try saying “I love you” at times when it’s unexpected, rather than when you’ve always said it in the past. If your partner is only used to hearing you express your love when you leave for work in the morning, call to tell them again when you get to work. If they’re used to hearing “I love you” as you lay down for bed at night, tell them how you feel as soon as you open your eyes in the morning.
Is there a perfect time to say “I love you?” The answer is yes, but the only person who can decide when that is for your relationship is you. But by promising yourself not to limit yourself in how often you express your feelings, and by doing it at unexpected moments, you can that each “I love you” will be as close to perfect as possible!
How Reading To Each Other Can Add Romance To Your Relationship
The scene of two lovers whispering romantic poetry to each other under a picturesque tree is somewhat of a sappy cliche anymore, but reading to your sweetheart–not necessarily poetry!–is still a great way to build your relationship and interact with each other in a fun, romantic way. And if you choose the right material, reading to your lover can be a two-for-one: imagine how great it would be to learn together while sharing your love together!
I know, I know–reading out loud is the type of romantic idea makes many people uncomfortable, and for some of us it might bring to mind embarrassing memories from high school literature classes. But the natural discomfort we feel at the thought of reading to someone is exactly why reading to each other is a great way for romantic couples to become closer and learn to trust each other.
Although it may seem silly at first, I promise you’ll see wonderful romantic results from setting aside time to read out loud with your significant other. It’s bound to inspire some mutual giggling, and having fun together is an important part of any romantic relationship or marriage. And after you get past the initial discomfort, you’ll quickly find that reading each other will help build trust and make you and your lover much more comfortable with each other.
After all, learning to become more comfortable with each other, and getting over the natural embarrassment we may feel in certain situations, is a natural progression in healthy, loving relationships.
What you read to each other is completely up to you. If you’re both feeling very romantic, a good book of love poetry is easy to come by. You can go for the classics, or choose from a huge selection of contemporary romantic poetry if that better suits your tastes. Is there a novel or collection of short stories that you or your romantic partner enjoy reading alone? Try reading passages to each other and you’ll open up a whole new world of romantic interaction and discussion.
Whether in the privacy of your own bedroom or beneath the cliche tree in a beautiful park, reading to your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband is a great way to build your romantic relationship and foster trust. So go grab a good book and get to reading!
How To Say I Love You For The First Time: When Is The Right Time?
If you’re a regular reader of Romance Tracker, you already know that there are literally hundreds of different ways to say “I love you” to your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. Whether it’s with actions, romantic competition, or even romantic text messages, true romantics have an endless amount of romantic ideas to show that special someone that they love them. Finding ways and ideas for saying “I Love You” is the easy part. But actually telling a person that you are in love with them for the first time can be a little . . . intimidating, even for the most romantic among us.
So, are there secrets to saying “I love you” for the first time? Of course not. If you’re nervous about telling that special person about your romantic feelings, first remind yourself that lovers have heard those three words for the first time under countless circumstances and in a million different ways. And do you know what? If two people are truly in love, they won’t care one bit about when or where or how those words were said for the first time.
Whether it’s on a romantic beach, at a busy airport terminal, or written in a love letter, that first “I love you” is something that every person remembers for the rest of their lives. If you feel that it’s the right time and place to finally say it, even a greasy old diner will seem like the most romantic place in the world when you both think back on it.
But how will you know when it’s the right time to say “I love you?” Can you say it too soon? Well, yes, you can. Obviously, telling someone you are in love with them on a first date might come across as a little . . . weird, and it’s unlikely your sentiments would be returned. A truly romantic relationship or marriage needs to develop slowly, and if you feel that there’s a reason to rush things, you may want reconsider your motivations.
If you find yourself falling in love with someone but feel that it’s a bit too early to say it, there’s nothing wrong with letting the relationship continue to develop and waiting for the perfect moment to state your love. Don’t be too eager . . . and remember that the perfect moment could pop up any time and surprise you both.
Some people who feel the time is right, however, may want to have more control over the circumstances and not leave it up to chance. Actually planning out how you’ll say “I love you” can be worth the time and effort. The place where you went on your first date, a romantic weekend getaway, or even at the end of a well-planned, fun event are all great places and times to let that special someone know you love them.
One important thing to remember: never tell someone you love them for the first time expecting to hear the same thing back. Being told “I love you” can be a very breathtaking event for some people, and even if they share the same feelings it may be difficult for them to say it back right away. Simply say the words because you want to say them–don’t press for a response or act disappointed if your sentiments aren’t returned. Be patient, and prove your love to that person by dedicating yourself to the relationship and making it easier for them when they are ready to say “I love you” back.
The most important word to remember, then, is patience. Patience to nurture and develop your romantic relationship, patience to wait for the right time and place to say “I love you,” and patience in waiting to hear “I love you” back. With a lot of patience and a little bravery, you’ll succeed in creating a romantic memory you and your soon-to-be wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend will remember together for years to come.
A Simple Way To Add Amazing Romance To Your Relationship
One of the many great things about being in a loving, romantic relationship is that it’s a lot like depositing a bunch of money into a savings account. Just as your money pays you interest in the bank without any effort on your part, the romantic memories that you and your lover make together will pay you back for the rest of your lives.
One of the many great things about being in a loving, romantic relationship is that it’s a lot like depositing a bunch of money into a savings account. Just as your money pays you interest in the bank without any effort on your part, the romantic memories that you and your lover make together will pay you back for the rest of your lives.
And if you’re following the daily romance advice we post here, you’re definitely depositing a lot of romantic capital into your loving relationship’s joint account!
But in spite of the fact that you and your lover made those wonderful memories together, are you certain that your significant other knows which of your many romantic memories are the most special to you? Those loving experiences may hold a special place in your heart, but romantic moments aren’t meant to be buried away and never mentioned again. Are you building up interest on your romantic memories but not collecting any of the profits?
Well do something about it today! I’ll let you in on one very simple, very effective way to show your lover just how much they mean to you and how special those memories are to you. It’s as easy as this: sit down with a pen and paper, write out a list from one to ten, and fill in your favorite romantic experiences you and your lover have had together.
Sounds simple? Of course it is! The most effective ways of adding romance to your life always are. And writing out a list of your favorite romantic memories will do not one, but two things to improve your romantic relationship. One: it will help remind you of the many wonderful, satisfying, romantic experiences you’ve had with your lover. Even the most successful romantic relationships experience lulls, and we all need a reminder every once in a while of the great reasons why we fell in love with our sweetheart.
And two: making a list of your favorite romantic memories will be a wonderful surprise for your lover, too! When you share your list, you and your partner will have a terrific time reliving those memories and being reminded of even more romantic experiences you’ve had together.
And who knows . . . it might even inspire your lover to make out a romantic list of their own! So go grab a pen and paper and start making out your list of your favorite romantic memories right now. Your lover, and your romantic relationship, will thank you for it!
Why Do You Need A Reason To Send A Fun, Romantic Greeting Card?
We’ve all bought greeting cards for people on special occasions; birthdays, holidays, anniversaries… even get-well cards for friends and family members who are under the weather. But when’s the last time you sent a fun, romantic card through the mail to your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend other for absolutely no reason at all? If you’re only browsing the greeting cards at the supermarket when those special occasions are coming up, you’re missing out on some great romantic ideas for your relationship or marriage.
A lot of romantic people shy away from greeting cards for romantic occasions because they look at them as too commercial or unoriginal. Sure, handing your lover a Hallmark with nothing but your signature inside on your anniversary or after the birth of your child might come across as a bit uninspired. But those sappy, mass-produced greeting cards are the perfect way to send a nice, romantic surprise to your lover when they are least expecting it.
For a couple of bucks and a stamp, you can send a fun, romantic little message to your sweetheart that is sure to put a smile on their face, brighten their day and remind them how much they mean to you. Go all out if you want and add your own special touches, but even scribbling “thinking of you” or “I love you” inside is guaranteed to make your lover feel like a million bucks!
There’s nothing wrong with setting the romantic card somewhere for your significant other to find on their own, but why not seal it up, slap on a stamp and toss it in the mail? It will be even more of a surprise when your lover opens the mailbox and finds and unexpected envelope with a special romantic message inside. And if you really want to give them a surprise, why not send it to them at their work address? Talk about a great way to make a person feel good about themselves!
Occasionally sending your romantic partner a fun card in the mail is another wonderful way to add a little old-fashioned romance to your relationship and brighten up your lover’s day in the process. It’s cheap, quick, easy to do, but makes a big difference. So the next time you make a quick trip to the grocery store, make sure a greeting card is on your shopping list!
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Fall In Love
There’s no doubt about it: falling in love is the most amazing, exciting, terrific, wonderful, outstanding . . . well, okay, you get the picture already. Falling in love is pretty doggone great. And if you’re wondering, there are tons of reasons to fall in love, too. Of course, if you’re looking for a reason to fall in love, my first question is this: why the heck do you need one, knucklehead?
Ah, but there are plenty of neigh-sayers out there who think that falling in love is overrated. Romance is for fools, they say . . . and Cupid is never gonna catch me! They love their freedom, they cherish their independence, and they fawn over their self-reliance. So if you’re already in love, there’s no need to keep reading; this post is for the skeptics who need a little inspiration.
Need some reasons why falling in love is a smart move? Here’s a list of ten of them for you, but they certainly aren’t the only reasons why you should get involved in a romantic relationship as soon as possible. And for you romantic veterans who don’t need convincing, why not add a few reasons of your own in the comment section of this post? We’d love to hear from you.
And if this post does end up convincing you to give love a try, don’t go rushing out and falling head over heals for someone right away. Take your time, for crying out loud.
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Fall In Love
1. Falling in love makes you smile all the darn time.
Ever seen the guy who’s always tackling everything life throws at him with optimism and a grin? Well that dude’s probably in love. And before you poke fun at him, you should know that you’re more likely to succeed at everything you do if you can tackle it with a smile on your face. So go ahead, stay away from love and keep frowning. Just get used to always being one step behind of the guy who’s in love and smiling.
2. Falling in love makes you better looking.
No, really, it does. And I’m not just talking about a healthy glow, either. When we’re in love, we’re more likely to take better care of ourselves, as you’ll see in number seven, and take more pride in our appearance. When you have a reason to look good, you do look good.
3. Falling in love makes you love yourself more, too.
Like we’ve said before, being in a romantic, loving relationship has a way of helping you to learn to love yourself, too. Most of us don’t realize that we have so many good qualities, and seeing ourself through the eyes of a person who is crazy about us can be one heck of an exhilarating experience.
4. Falling in love makes you richer.
This isn’t just our opinion. Countless studies have proved that people in long-term, committed romantic relationships go on to earn more than people who stay single. So if you won’t fall in love for your heart’s sake, do it for your wallet.
5. Falling in love makes you see stuff you didn’t notice before.
No, I don’t mean pink elephants or UFO’s. The stuff you notice when you’re in love was always there, you just never thought it was important enough to pay attention to before. When you’re truly in love you are able to take things slower, be more observant, notice more details, and have a greater understanding of things.
6. Falling in love makes you a nicer person.
This one is a no-brainer. It’s tough to be mean to everyone when there’s a wonderful person in your life who’s making every day special and exciting. I mean, it’s no cure-all if you’re a complete jerk, but it can at least take the edge off a little.
7. Falling in love makes you take better care of yourself.
Like I said in number two, falling in love makes you look better because it gets you in better shape. Being in love with someone is a great way to get motivated to become a healthier person, lose weight, and take better overall care of yourself. It won’t make you into a fitness guru or anything, but it’s easier to go for a jog when you know there’s a special person in your life.
8. Falling in love gives you something to dedicate yourself to.
It’s a little-known fact that having something to dedicate yourself to makes you more successful at everything you try to do. That something can be a concept or an idea, but it’s much better and more satisfying if it’s a person. And making the person you love proud of you is one heck of a great feeling.
9. Falling in love makes you grow up . . . in a good way.
Being more grown-up isn’t always a good thing . . . in fact, there are plenty of childlike qualities that go a long way to help a romantic relationship and make it more fun and exciting. But being in love will also make you more responsible, more mature, and more careful. And if you can master those qualities while still letting yourself have fun, you’ll have one heck of a great relationship.
10. Falling in love makes you live longer.
Don’t take our word for it. It’s, like, totally common knowledge that people who are in long-term, loving relationships simply live longer than people who aren’t. Want to live to see your 100th birthday? Then you better start looking for that special someone to celebrate it with.
If you enjoyed this article, I hope you’ll visit my website, Romance Tracker, to see more. Does good old-fashioned romance have any place in today’s fast-paced, self-centered world? I believe that the answer is a resounding yes . . . and I created Romance Tracker to show couples that any modern loving relationship can be made even better by adding a little classic romance.
How To Write A Romantic Thank You Note
Thank you letters are a quick and easy way to show your appreciation to others for their thoughtfulness, and few other romantic ideas are as affordable or affective at letting someone know how much their actions mean to you. Especially in today’s impersonal, fast paced world, a few short, simple, hand written thank you cards are wonderful romantic ideas that will make a person feel great.
But unfortunately, many of us limit our thank you notes to friends and colleagues who have done something special for us, or to people who give us gifts. Sending thank you letters to gift givers and other people is great, but when is the last time you sent a romantic thank you note to that special someone who does more for you than anyone else in the world?
In many romantic relationships or marriages, especially ones that have gone on for some time, it’s easy for partners to take for granted all of the wonderful things their significant others do for them on a daily basis. While some of us wouldn’t think twice about firing off a thank you card to a colleague who helped us with a business lead, we might overlook the fact that our sweetheart does much more significant things for us every day.
Regardless of whether or not your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife has hinted that they might like a gesture of gratitude for the time and effort they put into your relationship, it helps to keep in mind that everyone and I mean everyone appreciates getting a “thank you” every now and then for the things they do. I don’t care if you think your love would think it’s sappy or silly to receive a hand written note thanking them for being a great partner. I guarantee you they’ll love it!
And your thank you note to your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t have to be for any specific, special event, either. Why not write to your sweetheart just to say thanks for loving you? Or for being there every day? Or for anything at all?
What form of a thank you note you use is up to you. You could grab an inexpensive romantic card on the way home from work and add a few short words of your own, or pen a long, flowery, romantic letter if that suits your relationship better. You know your special someone better than anyone else, and oftentimes a few short words are just as powerful and moving as a long letter.
Speaking of a few short words being just as powerful… I need to wrap this post up! Now go write your special someone a thank you note, doggone it!
